3 stories

The longevity of the Prime Minister

In London, in the year of the fourth centenary of the city of São Paulo, namely, 1954, there was a cocktail to celebrate the eightieth birthday of Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill, who was the Prime Minister of England during the second world war (1940-1945) and again from 1951 to 1955.

A young reporter of one of the leading papers of the United Kingdom drew near the octogenarian and said :

- Many happy returns, sir ! I am privileged to cover this event and I hope to be around to congratulate you on your hundredth birthday.

- I'm sure you'll make it, Mr. Churchill said. You look very young and healthy.


The wilted plant in the corridor

Some years ago I was giving one of those "in-company" English courses in a transnational company based in Italy that made carburetors and other car parts.

They had an enormous room full of partitions in each of which an executive had a private place to do his business. The doors of all those offices were along a long corridor, at the end of which people reached the staircase that led to the internal patio.

At lunch time lots of men and women used that way to have access to the cafeteria.
Mrs. Morais took the initiative of putting a really beautiful plant in a vase and placing it in the corner where people turned right to go downstairs.

Brazilians, however, aren't very careful about things that, in the last analysis, belong to themselves, let it suffice to see what happens to the so-called "big ears". So, as they walked towards the stairs, smokers began to use the vase as a big ash-tray.

Needless to say, in time the plant, that looked strong and green, healthy and happy, began to wilt and when Mrs. Morais realized what had happened she kicked up a row.

- How dare these guys be so insensitive!, she shouted. Her friends, however, quickly tried to quiet her down. One of them, very sensibly, pondered:

- If I were you, I'd leave things as they are, you know. One of these days I saw with my own eyes one of the big shots dropping his ashes there. Maybe if you go on shouting like that you may be called to attention, God forbid!

A sensible woman, the lady made up her mind to cure the lack of sensitivity of most of those goddamn smokers by subtly attaching a little cloud to the plant with these very creative words:

- Thank you. I don't smoke. I only drink water.

Single or Married ?

A young lady went to a gynecologist for a pregnancy test.

- Come back next week for the result, the physician said.

- I will, thank you.

Seven days later, the girl returned.With a smile in his face the doctor said:

- Mrs. Silva, I have very good news for you.

- Excuse me, sir. It's not Mrs. Silva. It's Miss Silva.

- Oh, in that case, I have very bad news for you.